New! With pictures, daily drivel and complete unabashed socialist rage. And the odd fit bloke (for irony's sake)

test test test
posted by Mark at 2:12 PM

Quickly before I forget what's happened the last few days - last week went to Lee and Tony's Thursday to play (video)games, dinner with Jim on Friday at his, fantastic party on Saturday at May's and nothing of note since then. Oh, went to an anti-war demo today in town and sat down in the road. Grim.

Aaaaaannnyywaay, I've decided at this moment in time not to update Fernandoweb anymore - or at least not for the forseeable future. The idea of the online diary thing was basically that it'd be a way for me to pen my thoughts in a (for me) accessible way, and allowing the odd stranger to come across it and think "jeez, what a wanker" or whatever. I did realise that the odd friend read it but I guess it was never the intention that they did (well, apart from you Kevin) and it's consequently become more and more difficult to be honest about my life without hurting certain people or putting others in a difficult position. Right now and because of events over the last few weeks, that's been especially true, and if you're one of the people who's been inadvertently hurt by finding out information you'd really rather not know, then I'm sorry. In a way, it's your fault for looking actually. But hey, temptation can be a wonderful thing. (Just ask Jesus)

So, that's it for now. The ongoing saga of my life continues. My commitment to one part of that is made infinitely easier this way. Thanks for passing by.
posted by Mark at 6:47 PM

Aw. Jay Bunyan. Crap name, and when Chris discovered him a few weeks back with a "woof!" (his debut in Neighbours) I wasn't convinced, but he's now officially the second nicest boy on television. Thank you Chris!


posted by Mark at 10:56 PM

Jim Shelley called Gail Hillman a "worried frog" in the Mirror this morning and it really made me laugh on the bus, although I was by myself so I just looked simple. Anyway, grrrrrr.... I sometimes wonder whether I'll ever get over what Neal did last month along with all the implications it holds. I mean, I'm sure in fact I will, but I still can't think of it without it turning into a boling pot of rage inside which then spills over into huge argumentative conversations with the man himself. I don't know. I'm getting on with him ironically better than I've gotten on with him for years at the moment, so so long as that stays the over-riding focus, I guess things will be OK. He's dedicated and more caring and all that (which is annoying Howard at the moment, understandably) but the trust needs such a load of work, and new daily revelations don't exactly help. The truth isn't even that frightening which is the stupid thing. Right, moving on before I trap myself in circles...

Oh yeah, I've had the image of that "Sam" boy below going round in my head seeming strangely (over) familiar for the past couple of weeks and I only just realised on the weekend that the reason why is because he looks a bit like somebody who used to live with Andrew called Mark Leighton (Layton, whatever), who was also quite handsome (well...) but actually rather scary. Actually, come to think of it, he was hillarious! It's all flooding back. Ah, the old times... So what did I do on the weekend? Er... Ah yes, went on the extremely wet demo in Manchester on Saturday with my mum and dad and Neal and had a really lovely time. There were around 20,000 people there, making it apparently the biggest demo in Manc for 200 years (wonder what happened 200 years ago) and we had a really nice lunch in the Slug and Lettuce afterwards. So all in all, despite having more damp patches than my bedroom in Firs Avenue by the end of the day, it was just perfect. Seamless integration with trains from Mossley Hill too! David and Dunc came round on Sat evening and we ate and played "Monopoly" on the GameCube (and I won for literally the first time in years), and then How and I spent a really pleasant day together on Sunday doing Chester, Computer Fair and family things. Oh, and Jonathan from Manc came over in the evening and stopped for rather longer than I anticipated, but that was fine.

So, feeling a bit rough this morning after the Acoustic Engine last night - the 2 for 1 beers means that instead of drinking either 2 or 3, it's either 4 or 6, which isn't good for Tuesday mornings. Still, might try and finally do the huge anti-war banner for the back of the house tonight. Claire Short is of course back in the good books after letting herself down for the past six years - I just hope Robin Cook makes a stand because that'll really mean something and for him personally, it'll put him (stupid Sun image obsession aside) in a really good position to bid for leader of the party if and when it all goes horribly wrong. And what else can it do? I'm almost certain that if the war goes ahead, America will quickly slide into a position like Israel of having to function as a high security country frequently subject to terrorist attacks, and it'll be all their own doing. Our own part in all that will of course depend on what Blair does now, but it's not exactly looking hopeful. Those women at the end of that Trevor McDonald thing last night slow clapped for most of the country. And still, he carried on smiling.
posted by Mark at 11:02 AM

Well, before we go on, I have to introduce you to the new "fictional" love of my life, Chris Polick, who plays Dominic in "20 Things to Do Before Your 30." His character on the show is just the most adorable character ever, but he himself is a dozen times more perfect than previously anticipated because doing a Google search, there's nothing on him at all other than the acting school he went to. The photo's actually a crap representation of what he looks like now, but there'll be more to come when he's as rich and famous as he deserves to be. Well, famous at least. Or at least in my dark bedroom.



Work wasn't too bad this week all things considered. I made myself look as ignorant as I am about everything I'm supposed to know about on more than one occasion, but now that's increasingly out in the open, there's less of a bar to aim for. I think I prefer it that way. Busy week outside of work mind you. Saw the Vessels on Monday evening and they actually recognised me - honest. And I think I fancy two of them now. Anyway, they seemed all up for the Americana thing, and I had a nice chat with Barry who writes for the site. I'm lucky having someone reliable in Liverpool. Tuesday night and went to see Jackson Browne with Ria in the Phil, and one of the first things he said to the very middle class crowd was "As Americans over here, we're really pleased to see such opposition to the war." And the whole audience other than the wrecked gin soaked woman next to Ria applauded.

Which was inspiring, but not as inspiring as the Channel Four News on Wednesday night - the kids walking out of school to protest at Downing Street were just fantastic. These 13 year old boys and girls being dragged by the police from the railings, with flowers painted on their cheeks. Really wonderful stuff. It was couched in other encouraging news that night, but I just had to ring John straight after because it was so confidence building. And the movement needs all of that that it can get at the moment. Chris was round on Thursday night and he got quite wrecked for once. We went to Vinci's and kind of sniggered all evening. Which was cool. And then tonight, finally, How and I have been out to, er, Vinci's again for a meal. He's a grumpy get sometimes but I think I'd be if I lived with me. And he was really loyal to me with his parents on the phone tonight, which was nice.

So, off to the demonstration in Manchester tomorrow with the lovely Mr Lloyd (and my mum and dad - woohoo!) whose continued efforts are paying dividends. Complete trust would be nice at some stage, but happiness will do for now. And, fortunately, there's plenty of that in me at the moment.
posted by Mark at 12:42 AM

Lovely few days. Well kind of - actually, forgot today was kind of crap because I had a big argument with How's parents about, you guessed it, the war. But I mean, they were being really provocative and I just can't deal with that around something that's that serious, and the abject stupidity of people who quote things about Iraq that they've obviously picked up from the Daily Mail or Melanie Philips in particular. So I told them they were both a disgrace and walked out. And then they decided not to stay and have accordingly gone back to Peterborough. Hey ho. Poor How.

Anyway, that aside, had a lovely night last night at FACT, the new arthouse complex in town, and saw "Revenger's Tragedy" which I wasn't that impressed by when watching it, but now I can't stop thinking about it. The music (by Chumbawamba) was just fantastic. And had a nice night on Thursday with Christopher and John seeing the lovely Tom McRae live, who made this big anti-war speech which was really inspiring. Er, Wednesday? Oh yep, went out with John Stevens for a really nice drink up the road at Vinci's and we both got a bit pissed and annoyed people in Tesco's afterwards. He tried to have a discussion with the taxi driver about the war again but I keep telling him it's not worth it. They're all fascists. All of them. And then Tuesday evening (why hasn't this been recorded already?) Mark Thomas with Neal was just a lovely night of reparations and new beginnings.

So, leaving you with this week's lurvely man, who's just an 18yo guy from Colorado Springs called Sam - and he's fantastic. You can actually see more of him here - that should be my private link, but I feel like sharing at this moment in time. Click now before I get greedy and withdraw it again. (And if you're clever with it, it'll open up a whole new world of muscle...)


posted by Mark at 1:02 AM

Damn you diary... the idea was to keep this updated every day, or nearly every day, and it's slipping back to its old lazy ways. Anyway, had a pretty crap weekend because I was still full of it and consequently got precisely zero enjoyment from lunch in Thornton Hough with mum and Howard on Friday, and the one glass of wine I did try and neck. But this week I feel much better - "Murder She Wrote" may have been replaced with "Diagnosis Murder" (who watches that?) but otherwise everything seems chilled again. I seem to have actually sorted things out with Neal to a mutually acceptable level, and while I still have some nagging doubts about the widsom of my chosen course of action, and the perceived lack of dignity it implies, it's left both of us feeling a lot happier right now and that can only be a good thing.

Feeling rather chuffed too because Nick Stewart from Virgin has offered me three thousand to put Americana 2 on and the Vessels (who would headline it and who are on the Johnny Walker drivetime show on Radio Two next Friday pop-pickers...) have said: "(Americana UK) has the best ears on the net. We are more than happy to be a part of all Mark and his team regard as listenable." Woohoo. Could life be sweet again?
posted by Mark at 12:36 PM

Alex came over this afternoon - it's really nice having him around again on a permanent basis. I looked like shit, but that's probably because I feel like shit - partly to do with the varying levels of mucus in my body, partly to do with having to watch "UK Style" for 2 1/2 hours non-stop (actually, that was partly through choice, but it was actually better than any of the alternatives - which proves in itself how grim daytime television is) I'm so bored
posted by Mark at 8:04 PM

Well, it's been six weeks since I was last ill, so I figured it's time enough to be ill again. Walking around the house in boxer shorts having screaming arguments and not eating for 48 hours (both of those in some way down to those damn chemical agents...) probably didn't help, as didn't standing around freezing in Hyde Park for hours on end on Saturday afternoon. Still, despite the fact that the weekend was almost completely ruined by the Neal-inspired events of last week, I'm so glad I went - it felt phenomenal to be part of the day and predictably, despite the fact that almost everybody I knew headed down, the ones who didn't now regret it. That sounds smug actually - but what the hell. It was a day to be proud of and proof that politics is very much alive and kicking in the 21st century - voices from the left unheard of in the mainstream since 1979 are now all over the place, representing wide public opinion, and it's just brilliant. When I feel well enough again to be on a proper high about it all, I'll gush some more. For now, flu was definitely a price worth paying.
posted by Mark at 6:21 PM

OK, so I've removed what was originally posted here by request of said person, which makes me look stupid since I actually currently owe them zero. However, in the light of being emotionally drained and physically fucked at the moment, I'm making all kinds of benevolent decisions I'll probably come to regret before the week's out. Let's hope not mind you.
posted by Mark at 10:19 AM

Are people just completely fucking braindead when it comes to asylum seekers? It's my number two gripe of the year, but it almost makes me go along with David Cumberland's theory that people are too stupid to be trusted with democracy (OK, not quite, but it's the kind of thing that gives validity to that argument) Every person who comes out with some stupid comment about how they're all criminals or shouldn't be here in the first place should be made to house a whole family of asylum seekers for 12 months. Then they'd soon shut their ignorant mouths. TOSSERS!
posted by Mark at 1:25 PM

Looking back at last night's entry, it looks all a bit too gushing now, but it genuinely was a really lovely weekend, so the gush can stay. For now. Just off out to the return of the Acoustic Engine - woohoo! And with Dan Sumner - woo-more-hoo!
posted by Mark at 8:17 PM

Perfect. The word I'd use to describe the weekend I've just had. It was just one of the loveliest weekends I've experienced in ages and it was never really meant to be like that, but after seeing [Fred] again on Thursday for the first time in ages, which really cheered me up, Bob Collum arrived with Dan for the house concert on Fri night (plans for the weekend all changed at the last minute and hence...), as did Steven and James and the people on the "Howard approved list" for the evening, and it was just a really, really good night - the music, the atmosphere, everything. No sex involved at all either (!) but it couldn't dampen down the, I don't know, glow of the evening. And then the weekend just kind of flowed from there in a kind of ecstacy-haze of drunken benevolence which just made the time with Bob and Dan, Steven and James, and John (and H of course, although he did his own thing for a while) really relaxing and empathic (is that the word?) - most of all, it gave me back some of the confidence I lost from last weekend, which was much needed. The Magnet followed by the Masque was just the most engaging Saturday afternoon I've had in a long time - good lighting, conversation, people who looked pleased to see you, the works.

So, How 30 today (or yesterday by the time I'm typing this) and he coped admirably - everything understated as requested but a nice breakfast in the Tavern Company and a nice bit to eat at Ria's. Why can't all weekends be like this? Busiest week I've had in months coming up now culminating in the big demo on Friday which I hope to God achieves something - at the very least I guess there's huge comfort in knowing that many people feel the same.
posted by Mark at 12:13 AM

This was actually on the front of the Daily Mirror a few weeks ago but Serge from the Guthries e-mailed it to me today - quite astute.


posted by Mark at 9:24 PM

Teenage Fanclub were really excellent last night - it felt so nice to be able to go to a gig again and just relax, which I don't get to do very often now. It was almost like a ride through history since 95 actually (when I first discovered them) as the setlist was basically a greatest hits thing, although I'd totally forgotten about songs like "Verisimilitude" (and have now forgotten what that word means again after all those years)

Just listening to "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" on BBC7 at the moment which has turned into the highlight of my working day, and given that I can't seem to make it in before 11am these days, it doesn't take that long to arrive. Tony Benn's interview with Saddam on Channel Four news last night was just superb. Saddam is obviously a villian but came across so much better and more dignified than Bush or Blair have for months. It was all very congenial and Tony Benn's performance in the studio after the interview was shown was just magnificent - the best performance he's given in years, and for him, that's saying something - emotive, passionate, forceful. My text message bills rocketed up for that hour as John and I exchanged platitudes about him.

Not sure what's happening tonight. Wayne was meant to be coming over but I don't know if I'm in the mood for it. Not really in the mood for much actually. Might go into town and see if I can get my hands on Freeloader for GameCube yet, and then I can stay in and play "Doshin the Giant" tonight which I've been waiting to do for months. Have seemingly made amends (well, we hadn't actually fallen out, but still) with Mark too, which is one less worry. I do think he's a really nice bloke when he's not in full on Matthew mode.
posted by Mark at 12:24 PM

Going to see Teenage Fanclub at Liverpool Uni tonight with Paul from work, thanks to the lovely Mark at Loose who's guested us. I love guesting - it makes you feel all important. If I'd got my act together, I could have arranged an interview with them, given they're one of my favourite bands ever, but I didn't so I haven't.

The dissapointment of the article on Sunday by Rowan Williamson is pretty overpowering - it matches the Claire Short and Robin Cook downfalls, but it's all the more painful because he was such a bright recent hope. Even if he did think that asylum seekers should be routinely detained on entering the country, he of all people must have known the amunition it gives to racists and the right wing media by just commenting on it. The argument about "ah, we're playing into their hands if we aren't tough" is absolute bollocks. A really excellent article by Roy Greensdale in yesterday's Guardian about it all called "Asylum Madness: Look Who's Talking" - really worth reading.

"Smallville" last night was much, much better than the first one last week and Tom Welling was lovely. In fact so lovely that he deserves a picture below. How and I were talking again too which was nice.



Finally, there's a rather amusing transcript of the Tony Benn meets Saddam interview here which I only realised was a spoof two thirds of the way through. I'm not very bright.
posted by Mark at 9:59 AM

So, another week ends with everything feeling kind of half in turmoil - it's the second weekend where because of what we did, it should have been really nice, but it hasn't been. We went, How and I, to a cottage in the Lake District with my grandparents and my mum and dad - it was my Christmas present for my grandparents since I figured they're getting on and it might be difficult to spend any real time with them away in years to come. Anyway, the cottage was lovely and the weekend could have been, but Helen and I had a huge argument on Saturday night (well, kind of, but it's too complicated to explain) and that in turn led on to Howard and I falling out. Just having had one of the biggest conversations with him about what's important to us both in life, I feel totally confused now. I guess I've never been very good at the idea of "settling down" even though that's what I try and do - I know I wouldn't be happy not doing it, but I know I can't quite do it either. Well, not in a traditional sense anyway.

Aside from all that, Nick Stewart has just said some lovely things about Americana UK on Virgin and I feel dead chuffed. Just a small note of happiness in a crap weekend.
posted by Mark at 11:40 PM

Vote! Also, NME are polling their readers here about the war. Every vote counts, as Paul Daniels 66% once said. Oh, and rather amusing Time (you know, the famous magazine) poll about which country poses the greatest threat to peace in the world. And finally (again) a nice picture of a nice man since we haven't had one for a while... Can you guess who it is?


posted by Mark at 1:00 AM

Just finished watching "Question Time" which I haven't actually looked at in quite a while, and it must have been one of the most rightwing audiences ever. Who the hell is Anne Leslie too? She was this awful, awful panelist who made comments about 95% of asylum seekers being, you guessed it, bogus. Firefighters are all donkeys too apparently. George Galloway was as magnificent as always mind you. He's such a fine speaker.

Anyway, this week - Kentigern came up on Tuesday evening and John joined him, Howard and I for a meal in Vinci's (again) which was really lovely. Now they've got the menu sorted out, it really is one of the nicest places in the world to eat. Well, of the places I've been to - dark, warm, atmospheric. And we got another unintentional free bottle of wine. Woohoo! So that was that - had a nice chat with Kentigern about Gorazde and pacifism in general which was really enlightening.

Wednesday and Chris came over for his birthday meal which we had in Pod, and that was really nice too - I'm dead lucky to live just down the road from so many nice eating places considering it's my favourite thing to do (well, eating and drinking) in the right company - that thing about sitting around a table with good friends. Perfect. Chris seemed to really like his presents anyway, one of which he'd asked for, I'd forgotten about it and then accidentally got him anyway as it turns out - which must mean I'm more attuned to his tastes than I thought. Had a lovely innebriated night again anyway.

And then we went to IKEA with Ria tonight and we're off to the freezing Lake District tomorrow for the weekend, which I'm kind of dreading and kind of looking forward to. Finally, Daily Mirror has been excellent again this week with its anti-war coverage - you can sign their anti-war petition here, and it is worth buying on a day to day basis at the moment for their excellent all round anti-war, pro-asylum and pro-firefighters coverage. Piers Morgan, all really is forgiven.
posted by Mark at 11:54 PM

Hardly any point in writing about today because nothing happened, but I will anyway. The Definitive Teenage Fanclub collection is wonderful, I got a Winnie the Pooh calendar for £2 and I had a pizza with lots of ingredients including spinach for my tea. Oh, and Richard is a little tyke in Coronation Street.
posted by Mark at 10:40 PM

Well, a fucked up end to a thoroughly fucked up week. I don't know why I do it sometimes. John quite rightly said to me last night that I've got to stop concentrating on the idea of as many people liking me as possible, which is as shallow as a certain person we both once knew, and just tell the truth continually instead and accept the people who then don't like me because of it. It's exactly the same thing as I'd tell anyone else, but I've really lost focus since Christmas and in wanting one particular person to continue to like me, I've succeeded in not only fucking him up but making myself feel incredibly guilty, rightly or wrongly, too. Anyway, I know that's all a bit vague and non-commital but it's best left like that. Tony Benn in Sheffield on Friday evening was really wonderful and we had a nice meal with David afterwards before going back to the hotel for the most expensive drinks ever - 2 Baileys and a small glass of Coke - £11.50!!! The Baileys were rubbish too. And then after wandering round an actually quite vibrant Sheffield (plenty of anti-war stuff going on) and this big glass thing that I forget the name of on Saturday morning, came back and went out with John to Vinci's, where we had a lovely night in the end but it started off very gloomy and I ended up crying talking about Gorazdes again. Even I'm getting fed up with it now. He was really very sweet later on mind you. Enormously busy week ahead but at least that keeps my mind off other thing(s).
posted by Mark at 1:59 PM

A really interesting article about Eminem and "8 Mile," despite the fact that I rather enjoy both.
posted by Mark at 12:08 PM

Now I'm getting e-mail on my mobile, I'm so glad I set up a separate Hotmail account for the competition entries for the site, cos I've just checked and there've been over 500 entries so far this month, which must be a bit of a record. Woohoo. In a way. Although loads are probably from Prizefinder sites no doubt. They probably all hate americana. Greedy bastards.

Well, another day of inspiring newspaper coverage of the war yesterday, with the Mirror excelling even Tuesday's issue, and a double page celebrity spread of people against the war, including Hayley from Corrie (aaahhhh...) but not including Gary Lineker who apparently refused to sign their petition. He's officially off my "he's quite sexy" list now, transferring the "oldest person I fancy" accolade to either Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, William Baldwin or this black guy that works in our Directorate. In fact, how old are the first three of that list? Hang on... 39, 43, 562. Actually, that last one's not strictly accurate, because according to Google a more prominent William Baldwin was born in 1441 in England, but the actor's 42. Oh, and our Directorate bloke is 37. So there you go. Who knows, by the time I'm 40 I might fancy Anthony Hopkins after all. Anyway, how did war coverage lead to that? Oh yep, Gary Lineker. Git. Woohoo! Text message. Hang on, bet it's an "Orange News Update"... Nope, it's from Alex, my cousin who's over here for good now from Australia. His mum went back to Australia yesterday and I guess he's feeling a bit strange. I know I would be. But his dad's here.

Anyway, er... Edge came this morning, so I'll probably read that all day. And then get ready for seeing my hero in the flesh tomorrow evening in Sheffield. Reading his diaries last night (Mr Benn, by the way), he's just such a brilliant politicial writer because he has these vast moodswings between pessimism and out and out optimism every day and in that sense he's just so like me. That's about the only similarity of course - well that and being a socialist I guess - I wouldn't presume to compare myself. Still... ahhhh. One difference of course is that he doesn't get involved in personalities, while I do - remember:


posted by Mark at 12:00 PM

Need a reason to hate Xbox? Look at this tosspot.



J Allard you complete nonce!
posted by Mark at 10:48 PM

A great deal of inspiration from today's papers - the Guardian reports that now 81% of people are against the war without any fresh UN mandate, and the Mirror points out very importantly that even that mandate will have to be based on "unequivocal evidence" before interviewing dozens of people against it including George Clooney, Sean Penn and Simon Weston as well as people who fought in the last war and other usual suspects such as Livingstone, Jackson, Roddick and Bleasdale. Best of all though was Paul Routledge's column, not normally noted for being an extremist by any means (he writes for the Mirror for a start...) which said this:

"Let's assume the thousands of British lives put at risk is "successful" and the US-UK axis of bullying gets to Baghdad in weeks. Let's assume Bush gets his hands on Iraqi oilfields - his real objective - and installs a puppet regime. Let's assume every UK serviceman sent to Iraq in this gross domination plan comes home safe. Assuming all these, the war is STILL WRONG. We, the little people, have no obvious way to halt this disgusting war. We can protest - and New Labour will simply sneer, safe in its assumption of righteousness. But we can remember the lies, and take action when the democratic process finally begins. Please, please, never forget."

Indeed - and it's wonderful too that arguments that have been promoted by Pilger, Tariq Ali, etc for years are now being accepted into the mainstream. The man on the street knows the war's about oil and now that's out, there's nothing they can do to stop it. It's true - information is power!
posted by Mark at 2:00 PM

I think I've permanently depressed Howard. Grim. Maybe Tony Benn in Sheffield will cheer his face up. Then again... Anyway, I got in from work last night absolutely raging. I have this thing where I get involved in huge arguments with people in my head on the basis of what I imagine they'd say on certain subjects and I end up feeling as wound up as if it had actually happened. Chris told me a while back that he used to do it all the time too which at the time made me feel better about it, although he said last week he apparently doesn't now (because he's a "happier person") which makes me feel worse about it. It all stemmed from reading this final chapter of a book on the immigration myth, about how essentially politicians, the media and then the general public in turn have in an almost Orwellian way turned against the most vulnerable people in society and used the most abjectly stupid reasons for justifying what basically amounts to vehement racism - and I just started thinking how fucking stupid the whole thing is and how many people I do know (although none of them friends thankfully, unless they're hiding a major part of their personalities from me) that come out with the usual "They're taking our jobs" or "We're being over-run" bullshit. On this issue in particular, I just feel tired of arguing with viewpoints that sound like they've been conceived by a group of 13 year old boys - what's the point? Needless to say, had someone by extraordinary chance confronted me with the subject when I got in, I would have quite happily told them to fuck off rather than argue the point civily. Is that how you spell civily? Can't remember. I think I calmed down after Neighbours, after Chris pointed out the beautiful new bloke in it who plays Jack Scully (he grows with every Tivo rewind) and Stuart fell off a cliff in a van. Not so beautiful now my pretty!!! (as Kentigern would say)
posted by Mark at 11:37 AM

Just looking at those pictures of the lovely Mr Hartnett his face seemed really familiar and I only realised this morning in another shot I've got on my desktop that he looks incredibly like my first "proper" boyfriend Kris in Australia - only at certain angles and I don't think Kris quite had Josh's all round drop dead-ness, but it's the eyebrows... Weird. Anyway, digital radio is really crap at times when the multitude of stations doesn't live up to your expectations, but I found this really good show on BBC7 this afternoon called "the Little Toe Show" - well, the first hour of it was good anyway. Four 15 minute stories a day. Perfect for that "it's 3 o'clock and I wish it wasn't" feeling. And better indeed than cool continuous country.

Anyway, hope How and I get on tonight... I was thinking of getting him something today to cheer him up but I don't think that'll work. Hmmmm. We'll see. Fred being really nice at the moment at least.
posted by Mark at 4:27 PM

This daily thing's not working out is it? God I feel knackered. I've been staring at a dodgy monitor all night that I probably wouldn't even be able to look at if I was at work. It'd contravene all health and safety regulations I imagine. The words are wavering in front of my eyes now. Ouch. Anyway, the last few days... let's go back to, er, where was I? That's right. Thursday.

Thursday: Getting a bit mixed up with days here (I know...) but think Rob came over and we talked, got pissed and that was that really. Spent seven quid in "Home Bargains" and got LOADS of stuff! How I love the bargain aspect of it all.

Friday: Met mum for a coffee and she's really worried about her eye still, and I really don't know what to advise her. I'm not sure how I'd feel about going blind in one eye - can't be the nicest thing to have to look forward to, particularly if the operation could either save your sight but might on the other hand leave you totally blind with immediate effect. I hope she manages to come to a decision she feels happy with. Yasha came over in the evening and we just ended up watching "Spirit" again but hey, I love it.

Saturday: Met "Fred" in town after being picked up by Jim (who really will be late for his own funeral) and Phil, and we marched through Liverpool for 2 hours on what seemed like one of the biggest demos, anti-war or otherwise, the city has ever had. There were a few thousand people there, even by Police numbers, and despite the obvious fact that it was swelled by groups from Manchester, it still felt really positive. Fred and I actually had our picture on the front of today's Independent on Sunday although you can see him a lot clearer than you can see me. And then in the evening How and I watched "40 Days and 40 Nights" mainly for this reason it has to be said...



But it was actually quite a good film anyway. You could tell that Studio Canal had an involvement because it was slightly more inventive than your typical Hollywood faire, but I really enjoyed it. Oh damn it...



There you go. Got that out of my system. And then today Jim and Phil came round for a cup of tea and Jim won at Monkey Bowling again, I played "Age of Empires II," we went over to Bebington to say goodbye to Krista who's back off to Australia on Wednesday, finished off "Palestine," the other current Joe Sacco book which wasn't as powerful as "Gorazdes Safe Area" but was still excellent, and How and I continued to argue a lot. We don't normally but this weekend's been a nightmare and I hate him being upset. I think I need to be a little less selfish.
posted by Mark at 11:09 PM

Correction about the title of the book - it's actually called "Safe Area Gorazde" which highlights the fact that it was meant to be a UN protectorate. And you don't seem to be able to buy it easily anymore :( Also saw I've been mentioned in CND's annual report for 2002 which makes me feel more proud than anything to do with the music side of Americana One.
posted by Mark at 5:59 PM

Got back from Edinburgh late yesterday afternoon and it was worth going I think. Kentigern seemed really pleased we were there anyway, even if I did go into one of those reclusive "Help, I don't know anyone..." moods after the service itself. I do find church thing very cliquey and inclusive, and I can't stand the way Christians always smile. Call me old fashioned, but it just really fucks me off. They were probably all really lovely.

Still, I've been in quite an emotional mood since Monday afternoon because of the book John gave me for Christmas which I've now finished - called "Gorazdes" by Joe Sacco, it's the illustrated (he's a comic artist) story of what happened in the town during the Balkans conflict in the last decade, and it's just one of the most harrowing things I've ever read. More importantly I guess, it's one of the most significant things I've ever read too as, without going overboard, I do feel like it has been life changing in terms of my own theories around conflict, war and, well, humanity. The problem for me is that the book tells the story through people's personal accounts of how the Bosnian Muslims were ongoingly and quite literally being butchered by Serb nationalists. And having no real means of protecting themselves, they really did become sitting ducks until the Nato bombing raids began, which they were desperate for. Once the bombing started, the massacres stopped, at least in the short to medium term. It's that timescale side of things that makes it harder to get your head round the whole thing in the end, but I've always thought that bombing was always unnacceptable whatever, and on this occasion, despite the motives for doing it (which I'm not naive about - I'm sure it had nothing to do with humanitarianism from Nato's perspective), the end result was that the violations stopped. I don't think I'll ever get out of my head the black and white images of whole families being led down to the local river in their bare feet to have their throats cut in front of each other before being pushed into the river to drown. How do you remain neutral in a conflict where that's going on in front of you? (which, given that UN peacekeepers were present, it literally was) I don't know. Maybe I need to talk to some friends about it and gain more of a perspective, but right now, I just feel so very sad all the time because I just can't believe it happened in such recent history and more because I just can't find any answer to how you'd ever stop that happening again. Of what you'd do next time. It's fucking crazy.

It's such a powerful book anyway and I can only recommend anyone reading this to go and seek it out - there's another one just published around "Palestine" but I don't think my emotional state can cope with that just at the moment. Incidentally, this is from the Guardian leader comment on the whole Israel/Palestine thing on the weekend - really good I thought:

"All Israelis, and not just Mr Sharon, should stop blaming others for their misfortunes. The country's chronic state of insecurity is not primarily the result of Palestinian violence. It stems fundamentally from the present policy of oppressive, expanding and illegal occupation of another's land. The lack of any diplomatic momentum towards a settlement with Palestine, let alone with Syria and others, cannot ultimately be blamed on the US, Europe, the UN or Arab leaders, although all may be severely faulted. It is principally a product of Mr Sharon's destructive mix of political dissembling and military aggression at which far too many Israelis shrug or wink.

Despite fears to the contrary, Israel's Jews are not targets of a suddenly rising European anti-semitism. Rather it is the Israeli state that - even allowing for the unacceptable use of terror against its civilians - stands accused of ignoring humanitarian norms and basic human rights that most people in modern Europe take for granted. The sense of crisis that led to Israel's now defunct national unity government is not externally imposed. Nor is it entirely real or unwished but to a degree self-created and self-perpetuating. It has been used to allow some Israelis, and Israel's leader, to duck the hard questions, to delay a difficult, honourable reckoning, to ignore causation while pleading emergency, to deny the uncomfortable truth that without a just peace, there is just no security."
posted by Mark at 2:53 PM

Just dashing off to Edinburgh now for the evening to Kenters' thing. Good weekend of sorts I guess. Friday evening I went for a drink with Dave Postie up the road in the Tavern Company who did the usual Allerton thing of stopping serving at 10.53pm but it was still nice enough. Fred (as we'll call him for 2003) turned up and we then came back and had a massive argument but hey, we hadn't had one this week yet. And then on Saturday we went out to see the Eminem film "8 Mile" in Manchester which I was actually quite impressed by. It made the point about rap's clever use of language very well and on the gay issue in particular (recalling conversations from 2 years back) explained, I felt, more than adequately the difference between "faggot" and "gay." Oh, and you saw Eminem's arse too which was nice. Actually went to the cinema twice on Saturday and saw the very average latest Star Trek movie in the evening. And then yesterday the usual stuff with the family, although I had a brief scare when I heard Helen and Paul's wedding "do" was in a masonic place. I looked them up on the internet and they actually seem kind of batty but harmless enough. Reminder for next posting - Guardian article about Israel.
posted by Mark at 1:02 PM

Fuck, update resolution slipping away! Big (-ish) update soon. Promise.
posted by Mark at 11:58 PM

Grrrrr... just spent ages typing and everything's dissappeared. Bastard. Anyway, Wayne round last night, chemically altered my behaviour, Kylie more enjoyable in said condition, bedtime cancelled, Piers Morgan writes funny letter to the Guardian and George Monbiot writes excellent anti-war piece in the Guardian. More detail when I'm less pissed off with my PC.
posted by Mark at 11:31 PM

Received a book anonymously, well, not quite - from the address label it was obviously sent to me through the website from this outfit called freespeechbooks.com, but it was a book callled "Living Life Without Loving the Beatles: A Survivor's Guide" with a simple note inside - "Good luck!" written in huge black marker pen letterring. The book looks really amusing actually, and it's got a 2003 copyright thing, so it must be brand new, but why? Did I ever say I hate them? Which I don't quite but I do find them terribly dull, and particularly in a city like Liverpool, well, more specifically particularly in Liverpool, that's about as wise to say in a bar as "I think Thompson and Venables deserve a second chance" (which, incidentally, I do think as well) So maybe I said all that once on the site. I can't remember.

Anyway, had a really good drink as per usual with John on Monday evening in the Everyman. The real ale was potent but somehow I felt OK the next day because (hangover avoidance tip number one for 2003) I stuck to the same drink all night. Personal note to myself - remember. And accordingly got sensibly wasted before listening to a very remixed version of Michelle Branch's "Everywhere" on John's CD player which won't play the first two tracks of any CD in a recognisable form for more than 5 seconds at a time. How and I meanwhile went to Stamps last night which was really, really quiet but this quite handsome bloke who I've seen there before got up and played and had the most amazing voice, and also put this song into my head which goes "It's a reefer - do you want some policeman?" Insanely catchy and well it might be, since I probably won't hear it again in my life. Today, I need to sort out minor irritations around the forthcoming (or not?) Edinburgh trip and the John Wesley Harding gig which now may not be happening. I'm speaking to him tonight on the phone. See what you'll be missing at his website.
posted by Mark at 9:35 AM

Was up until 5am last night which wasn't much fun but sometimes if you do the crime, you need to put in the time - or something like that (metaphorical crime we're talking here by the way). Anyway, off to work for first time in weeks in a sec and dreading the banality of it all. And off out tonight with Mr Stevens to put the world and my mind to rights. That's if I can keep awake for a whole evening.
posted by Mark at 12:24 PM